My myth of a moment.

I dream in colour.
And my moments are born in a vacuum.

the circumstance. and the choice.
through bus rides and turnstiles. and episodes of Grey's anatomy.
through the grey that we wish we could all break down into black and white.
through goosebumps and rushes of adrenaline on the bridge.
I wish I could be the shrink who noone talks to at all.
through tear drops on the strand.
through ipod walks.
through black bars of chocolate

through conversations that have lasted. and the moments that built them.
we'll do it all.
through chasing my tail around my head.
for finding my own.
in between full-stops.
for the you and for the me I know because.
for the effort. for making the choice to make the effort.
for drifting away.
for all the insane questions that cloud beer evenings and sunday skype.
for learning to offer my seat. correction. seats.
for wanting my point of view back.

for not needing anyone.
for not needing anyone but reaching out?

I'm scared there will come a day when I won't be scared of losing you anymore.

if I ever tell myself enough, will everything be okay?

does standing water in a glass stagnate?

I always dream in colour.

From the inbox

From P..it has been a while.

Flowers (excerpts)

And often…you grow out of some fragrances,
You just have to remember how it was like to row ureself..
And not be afraid of doing so..
alone…
Sometimes you get so caught up in the rowing,
That you forget to smell the fragrance…

…But you forget to stop….

But sometimes….
You forget to move on…….

Conversations..or lack, thereof.

It's like the urge to step out and smoke one blasted cigarette after you've quit smoking. I'm dying to dial the number. I know it's not good for me.
It's a conversation that is not going to happen.

The second, is a mutual sense of comfort - in distance. We talk - every once in a while. Efforts to clear our heads. But distance, and I think, the subconscious realization of now-disparaging world views...or maybe, we just don't want to clear our heads anymore.
We've made our peace with the cloistered thoughts, and messed-up minds.

Of flying my kite into the sky of the mundane.

Or is it that I'm surprised at how I'm letting the string loose, even as I see the others around me pull and snap?
Am I going to be able to run after it, following its shadow on the ground?
I might need to..
Will I want to?
My floating anchor...
...of colours.
Do I want it in sepia?

A Normative Dilemma

How, and how often, should you judge your importance in somebody else's life?

Email

...I write to you because I need to know. what it is I'm looking to know, I'm not too sure. I write because you're the only person - I'm aware of - who I can seek solace from. I know not of anyother. or anything. that is probably why i shut you out. to look for things, not instead of you, but other than you. with you. to look for things I can generate out of my scattered fragments of belief. I look for a figment of my unknown imagination.

On being "positive" and "productive"

So much for my New Year's resolutions working out. (So, does one write New Year with 'n' and 'y' in caps even when not wishing people Happy New Year?)

I was never good at taking decisions. To stay in, or go out. To call. Or to give in. To step out. But what about the seemingly bigger things? - people who you need to have around. academic modules that might need you to step out of your academic comfort zone.

Where did introspection go? Or self-reliance for that matter?

I've been in this hazy time warp for the last two months. Cloudy sensibilities and intermittent waves of activity. I'm stagnating in a drugged sense of self.