anklebells and people

Went to dance class after a month and a half. Most days, even when I am home, I'm too lazy to wake up before noon and bathe and go and dance. But on the sundays that I do manage to that, it seems perfectly worthwhile.

...I have concluded, that the pakhawaj is definitely my favorite percussion instrument. (Other than when certain very cute men are on the drums, of course...but I'm digressing.) But..like I was saying..dance class provides me the perfect space for introspection. the rhythm, accompanying ghungroos, and feet-on-floor-stamping notwithstanding. the standing in line. remembering lessons on posture from 783 classes (or more?) back. scrunching up hair tight. mechanically dancing to familiar rhythm; desparately trying to recall the not-practiced new footwork. memories of old smells, walks and conversations, clusters of academic commitments and pending tasks, jostling for space with eyemovements, coordinated neckmovements and mudras. and of course, lest I forget, taal. The rhythm never failing to strike a chord. through the layers of preoccupation, and practiced nonchalance.

...Dance class has also helped me interact with people out of my "incestuous" circle of social interaction. Different views and counter-views. world-views. I have married friends. friends who have eloped. friends who are workoholics. friends who have never spoken to the opposite sex. have even had friends there who are female-swamis married to australians. All brought together (this phrase always makes anything sound like a pretentious grand plan) in a large basement and bound by the dysfunctional tape recorder. and of course comfortable dupattas and the love for silver earrings.

Postscript:

I've been walking around all morning (including time spent at the dance class where the accompanying music goes like this: "tha ri kit tha dhi") singing John Lennon:

Imagine all the people..living life in peace..

and i have no idea where that got into my head from. It's started to get a little annoying now.

Of heads full of If's and But's

Do i want to take the long way home? pretending its planned; but actually hoping the road map drops onto my lap at the next fork.
Safety nets are always way too unfulfilling..
I often wonder if its worth taking the long way round my head - to touch my nose.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I could not decide, on my own, the colour of my curtains...Should i dig deeper?
(RhB finally chose blue/green/white. I was half-inclined to run back to the familiarity of my red.)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Driving back home at 4.45am on Sunday morning. I loved me. But i wish i was a little different. discontent? fatigue? complexes. Content high having spent time with chadd budd and good company at TC..
Yet dealing with an unfamiliar, dysfunctional clutch and a sudden urge to junk the listening project...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I loathe compulsive liars. But they seem to be all around. and they lie so effortlessly. The next time someone's fake, I wish I can just 'pluh' them and dunk their heads in soup.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Costa Coffee beat Starbucks.
and I'm a sleepy narcissist.

And so..

..I firmly believe that there are only two kinds of people in this world —

Those who litter.
and those who don't.

Stochastic

Throat ache. a single tear. fourth bench in the park. white kurta on photostat-floor. annoyance. third wedding. solitude. gramma's gold bangles. slippery ambiguity. new pillows. shut eye and the indecisive wisdom tooth. two seven-year old boys. punjabi bling. blue plastic balls and feel-good grins. perfumed shampoo. stress. 1-2-3-smile-flash-holddd.

..sometimes..i wish i knew what i was thinking.

Completely trivial.and the Weekend.

Witnessed a mongoose chase today. Could not for the life of me remember the plural of mongoose — mongeese? mongooses? mongoose?

-----------------------

In the last few days, a lot has been accomplished by way of thinking. planning. working. under pressure, no doubt. because, shame-facedly, that is the only way I function.

-----------------------

Looked at old mails..

To:

replete with delarations of love. new year resolutions. end of year musings. bitter chocolate cake receipes. snatches of conversation attempting tentative familiarity. lyrics of songs - 'when you get the choice to sit it out or dance'... 'And down this beaten path; and up this cobbled lane; I'm walking in my own footsteps once again'... 'The Jesus of Suburbia; from the bible of 'none of the above'. meetings fixed. interviews sought. detailed accounts of first times and no times. apologies where they were too cowardly. Reminders: "I AM ALIVE." A lot of good writing - 'Again: Why is reality always at such a sharp contrast with my imagination?' .. 'where time stops with the pigeons and my last stubbed cigarette' .. 'orange pancakes vs. the tube train.' Thank you's..for all the advice doled out from my life; for the cover-ups; for the two hours; or the pink notebook. Smiles - "Look! My first car!" Essays and excerpts. anthropology and legal jargon. William Butler Yeats.

CC:

replete with Fwd:s and no love lost. shared information. "you will be held accountable." reminiscing. joint-studies. shared trips. photographs and moralisation.

BCC:

replete with hidden "this is what i sent to X." and numerous "now you know"s.

----------------------

I wasted time just as well as I used it. lingered. focused. gingerly nudged. looked at the spirally crack on the left corner of my roof. stayed off the Internet. loved it. took a walk just when the ideas in my head were going join the imaginary dots of my wishful academic sensibilities. re-used color..off the cheeks. grinned at blue ears and buffoon-ish prized asses. went through sheaves of paper. circled. marked with pencil. arrows. eyelashes. organized. in my head. MS word. sub-folders in the mail. called. spoke. laughed. Laughed Out Loud. Ctrl + S. played parent. Lied. and then didn't. thought in Sanskrit. looked at the future. and it was okay.

-----------------------

Postscript:

Forgot the highlight of my weekend! Watched "Love Actually" for the nth time. My fondness for the movie completely depends on the current state of clustered thoughts. I loved it the first time for all the red in it!..and coz i went with eight other women, with a range of opinions on "love" and the various men in the film! Then went through phases when i thought it was juvenile, overdone and pretentious! However, the only constant thing remains my absolute adoration for Andrew Lincoln (Mark) walking out of his house (leaving Keira Knightley and pie!) with Dido playing in the background. Have loved the song always. and well..my personal record for replaying the scene at one sitting has been..umm..eleven!