Of musings.in transition.impatient.incomplete.obscure and obdurate.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Shrink.

On Wed, Feb 24, 2010 at 11:46 PM, tonusree basu wrote:
Dear you, It was my story. of longitudes. where I cried in one city. wished in another. and loved in the third. Ego meets vacuum. Send me words and give me attention. Explore me. Drive me. Draw me out. ...who knew one feels the loneliest at home. Teach me how to shut down again?

I am sorry I stayed away for so long. The a/pathetic me needed some getting used to. My insecurities have piled up in a neat stack. They lie in the corner, by my melted candlestick and stained wineglass. A broken piece of clay, a brand new postcard and a scrawled post-it are my points of focus today. Familiar spaces constrict. as do lack of two conversations. The strange bit is, validation is not what I am looking for. Neither is it my bookmarked lyrics on Google Chrome. I need 18-year old me. Maybe with bigger boobs. and five streaks of rebellion. I need to love fiction again - of strung dreams and conflicting selves. I need whole. I need centre. I need to sing the alphabet song again. or was it Do Re Me? I need to weave, three strands at a time. my drive to work. my eyelashes against the cheek. the broken band of my silver ring. my right to be loved. my faith filling the cracks in my mould.

So do I miss out on my this-is-it moment? chasing tails and swatting my need-to-have-faith-to-write-to-plan-to-believe-to-know-to-learn monsters. I'm picking out the me's from my pile. Smile?

2 comments:

smalltimer said...

=)

growing up is a big farce, no?

GoKu said...

hello...

I have no idea who u are, but i love ur blog..