From the inbox

From P..it has been a while.

Flowers (excerpts)

And often…you grow out of some fragrances,
You just have to remember how it was like to row ureself..
And not be afraid of doing so..
alone…
Sometimes you get so caught up in the rowing,
That you forget to smell the fragrance…

…But you forget to stop….

But sometimes….
You forget to move on…….

Conversations..or lack, thereof.

It's like the urge to step out and smoke one blasted cigarette after you've quit smoking. I'm dying to dial the number. I know it's not good for me.
It's a conversation that is not going to happen.

The second, is a mutual sense of comfort - in distance. We talk - every once in a while. Efforts to clear our heads. But distance, and I think, the subconscious realization of now-disparaging world views...or maybe, we just don't want to clear our heads anymore.
We've made our peace with the cloistered thoughts, and messed-up minds.

Of flying my kite into the sky of the mundane.

Or is it that I'm surprised at how I'm letting the string loose, even as I see the others around me pull and snap?
Am I going to be able to run after it, following its shadow on the ground?
I might need to..
Will I want to?
My floating anchor...
...of colours.
Do I want it in sepia?

A Normative Dilemma

How, and how often, should you judge your importance in somebody else's life?

Email

...I write to you because I need to know. what it is I'm looking to know, I'm not too sure. I write because you're the only person - I'm aware of - who I can seek solace from. I know not of anyother. or anything. that is probably why i shut you out. to look for things, not instead of you, but other than you. with you. to look for things I can generate out of my scattered fragments of belief. I look for a figment of my unknown imagination.

On being "positive" and "productive"

So much for my New Year's resolutions working out. (So, does one write New Year with 'n' and 'y' in caps even when not wishing people Happy New Year?)

I was never good at taking decisions. To stay in, or go out. To call. Or to give in. To step out. But what about the seemingly bigger things? - people who you need to have around. academic modules that might need you to step out of your academic comfort zone.

Where did introspection go? Or self-reliance for that matter?

I've been in this hazy time warp for the last two months. Cloudy sensibilities and intermittent waves of activity. I'm stagnating in a drugged sense of self.

Waltzing

..So a large part of me was aww-ing the first's others around me had.
I was reveling in the lost glory of all the nervous interpreting and wondering, the confidence seeping in, comfort settling down, and the cheek-warmingly endless smiling.
Knowing-not-knowing is one of the biggest highs I have experienced.
And so, a part of me - wishing - I could start all over again...

Till a mundane cyber conversation, sitting amidst computer terminals and deadlines of all kinds, later - three years was three years, for a reason.