research and reality checks.

First there was anger...head-smacking anger. then there was disbelief. extreme sadness. and then after a point it gave way to desensitization. almost completely.

There i was sitting..for the better part of my working week..reading testimonies, commentaries, articles, first-persons, directives..on the Gujarat pogrom of 2002. The race towards barbarism. The winner takes the holy land. God save his soul.

There were stories untold and re-told. feminist analysis. of how systematically, deliberately, brutally, inhumanely the woman's body became the symbol of victory/defeat; of soiling the other community; of leaving "our" mark on "them". foetuses torn out and burnt. throats slit. bodies violated.

And we just watched.

There were children. hundreds in number.

And we just watched.

and then there were photographs. my facade of desensitization gave way. images broke down the wall that so effectively blocked out words.

Its been five years now. the silver lining being the hundreds of organizations working in the region. painfully, slowly..surely. Justice. reconciliation. who said building peace was easy? who said forgiving was easy?

And we still just watch.

Sometimes extreme hatred for the religion i was born into surfaces. sometimes just shame. We protect the holy-cow, but kill the human. The utter hypocrisy of it all.

Modi was cursed. and counter-cursed. How does it matter..he still walks free.

As i gathered. Little has changed.

I thought about all the people I knew. And stereotypes of the "other" reiterated even in seemingly rational, liberal minds. Would they be part of the mob? Or worse still would they turn a blind eye to it had they been there?

We had plenty to talk about at our ubiquitous living room discussions. We have reams of research. Plenty of books. Images.

..And we've moved on.