..coz i got mail..coz this is my most favourite email ever..coz very few people have the ability to honestly write for themselves..coz very few people can write so amazingly well..coz i absofuckinlutely adore the person who wrote this to me..
Narcissism
(Excerpts)
You know how u talked about finding ureself..How u were so afraid - ud never find that peace, that calm that comes from the satisfaction of having identified ure identity!! Well...i think i can say i had it for a while..but i lost it again. I suppose its important to lose it to find more about ureself. Its only wen u walk on new territory that you feel the need to re-discover.
I refuse to be stuck in any rut
I refuse to be one of the other ******ers - who party without any limits; who walk with blinkers, who hate the rain
I refuse to be like the people i know who have suddenly stepped out of home, and are dying to party
I refuse to be like the people who are going to parties JUST to socialize, coz u know how important networking is.
But i also refuse to be like those people who sit at home all day and wallow in self pity...or some pity
like those who sit here and crib abt politics,
like those who keep using words like 'multiculturalism'
like those whose lives revolve arnd one person, one activity, one event!!!!
I love the rain, i love my salwaar, i love my sneakers more, i love my earings as much, i love my socks, i love my skirts, i love dancing, i LOVE music, i love walking, i love the sun, i like taking the bus, i love crying, im in no rush to look for myself, or to make friends...
.......
...and so i think im in love! I found love n I dunno if this is the first, fifth or the 100th, but i didnt think i could fall in love again!! but i still havent found myself
So i sway from skirts to boots to sneakers to sweats!
So i sway from library to lunches with large groups to dinners alone to home parties to dance clubs
So i sway from the internet to walking on the street, to forgetting my phone, to the newspaper on the pot
So i sway from pirated movies to film festivals to movies in the theatre to streaming espisodes of sit-coms
So i sway from family to self to friends to networking..and i will continue to sway till i find what im looking for!
Love always!
P.S - if you read this - reply back with ure experience - if you feel differently or similar to the above!
This is a survey for lost-ness!!!!! haha
Buy my soft drink
10 years ago
5 comments:
I don't think I've ever been able to identify my identity.. primarily because to do so would be to deny the existence of the (in)significant events which gently nudge me this way and that. conversations, friends and un-friends, stars through cigarette smoke, smiles, basketball on tarmac, my cells under the microscope. But I do know that I have to preserve a core.. some 'myself-ness'. If I lose that, I have no reference point. Perched precariously on that point, I watch with curiosity (tinged often with a healthy dose of cynicism) as the whirl of my life leaves stretch-marks on my 'identity'. So I agree but I don't, as well. Does that make sense?
Its funny wen u think uve had repressed emotions
How everyone else has always thought how nice a person u are/were.
How you never showed what u din like.
How u were always smiling, jumping
No one know what crap churns in ure head!!
People mite never know!!!
You hear others, let em weep, coz u know the importance of exprsn
But why don u express?
Why du feel so repressed?
Whats gona happen wen I cant take it anymore?
I absofuckinglutely loooove ..!! it seems to have described my entire life (the past 5 odd months, if not more) perfectly !! And coincidentally ..i realised today, that I DON'T need to change ..!!! I'm on the right track..I just need to have that small drop of that thing called self-confidence everyone keeps talking about ...!!But i jooost loooove the blog !!!
I am my own reference point...identity begins with me, and then and only then, is it rippled over to others...the world changes, not me. Every new experience, ever new territory, just reaffirms my own self, rather than terraform it. Maybe what I'm trying to say is that its all about "addition"...not "substitution"...
Puds, im surprised you haven't replied to them..
@ gautam
..but do you question and counter-question your myself-ness? or is it smthn you've come to terms with?
Is it the self's need to preserve the core greater than the need itself?
@ anon.
You'll manage..you always do..
@ still water
of course you dont need to change!! i could've told you that!! and thankee for the looooooveee :)
@ venkster
like it or not..you respond to the world, not the other way around..and i know iv told you this before!!!
@ post-author
i got two more mails telling me how much they loved what you wrote..and how they totally identified with it..
write soon..
i miss you :(
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